I Can’t Do This Anymore

I’m afraid of public restrooms.  Almost every time I take the girls in a public restroom they start arguing with each other.  It was Wednesday evening.  It had been a horrible day and I was exhausted.  I didn’t feel like going to church, but we loaded up in the van and we drove an hour to church. Truth be told, it might be possible that the only reason I was going to church was to get a little break from our turtles.  The girls were pretty quiet on the way there but the minute we entered the restroom it started.  Great.  I’m really not in the mood for this.  Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Can you even hear me when I’m talking to you?  Stop touching her!

We went to the check-in station and I began entering the information to get their name tags.  I had one eye on the computer screen and one eye on my girls.  And then it happened.  One little sweetheart had the other little sweetheart in a headlock.  Really?  Do we have to do this?  Of course, my girls were the only ones making a scene at the check-in station.  I really wish I could come to church just one time and see someone else’s sweetheart creating a scene at the check-in station.  Now wouldn’t that be nice?

I slapped their name tags on the front of their shirts and off we went to their class.  The girls teacher greeted us at the door and she asked how I was.  I answered her with the 5 words that I think often but I try not to say them out loud.  I can’t do this anymore.  Ok.  I had said it, I couldn’t take it back, and now I was crying.  The girls teacher tried to encourage me.  She told me to go relax and enjoy the service while they took care of the girls.  I went into the sanctuary and I sat on the second to last row.  The last thing in the world I wanted was for someone to come up to me and ask me how I was.  No one did and I was relieved.

The service started.  My mind was not good.  I don’t remember any song that we sang.  I don’t remember anything that was said.  But I do remember the thoughts that were going through my head.  Is our life always going to be this hard?  or is it possible that it could get better?  Am I the only special needs parent in this room?  Is there anyone in here who understands the constant demands of having special needs kids?  God, are you even there?  Could You do something to make life better for our family?

The service ended and I went to pick up the girls.  I felt horrible and I knew that I looked horrible.  I just wanted to grab the girls and run to the van.   I didn’t want anyone to talk to me.  But before I got out the door someone spoke to me. Her name is Jennie.  She asked me a question that stunned me.  She asked if the girls could come to her house sometime.  She talked about how much she loves them and she would like to spend more time with them.  I thanked her and I left with tears in my eyes.

I would like to say at this point that we have a wonderful family who is always there to help us. Grandmas and grandpas watch the girls so that we can have a break.  Aunts have watched the girls so that we could go to violin and dance recitals.  But this was the first time that someone who is not related to us offered to keep the girls.  As I was walking to the van that night God whispered in my ear  “You asked if I was here.  Yes, I’m here.”

On Sunday the girls are going to Jennie’s house after church.  I will be sitting in the movie theater watching Do You Believe? with my husband.  And all the grandmas and grandpas will be sitting back in their chairs and relaxing while Jennie watches the girls.  I’m just amazed at what God has done for our family.

As I was trying to figure out how to end this post, the phone rang.  The caller id said it was Jerri.  I wonder why she’s calling?  She said she had just found my blog and was enjoying reading it.  And then she went on to say that she felt like God wanted her to help us.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all that we ask or imagine, according to the power that works in us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.  Ephesians 3:20-21      

I asked God if He could do something to make life better for our family.  I don’t know exactly what I expected Him to do, but I certainly didn’t expect two people to offer to help us.  That is definitely beyond what I imagined Him doing.  Tonight as I lay my head on my pillow the tears are going to start.  They won’t be “I can’t do this anymore” tears.  They will be “I can’t believe how good God is” tears.

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11 thoughts on “I Can’t Do This Anymore

  1. I felt like I was reading a script from Mom’s Night Out. Have you seen it? God does answer our prayers!! You will have to let me know what you think of Do You Believe? Awesome movie!! No one in the theater moved until the lights came on. It is a powerful movie!! Keeping you in my prayers!!

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    • Yes, I’ve seen Mom’s night out. Those ladies sure needed a break too 🙂 I went last Saturday and saw Do You Believe. We hadn’t had a chance to see it and I was afraid it might be the last weekend. Brett couldn’t go because he had to work. I just had to see it so I decided to go by myself. The same thing happened when I went. No one moved until the lights came on. I told Brett that I didn’t think a movie could be better than God’s Not Dead. But I found out I was wrong. I can’t wait for him to see it Sunday. I’m thrilled to get to support it twice. Thanks for your prayers, Pam.

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    • Jennie is so excited to get to have the girls at her house. I’m not even nervous about it. They love Jennie so much. When Jennie was telling me that she wanted them to come home with her sometime, Hope said “go to your house” and she was ready to go right then. I know it will be good for them to be with someone new. And I know it will be good for me too. 🙂

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    • Germs don’t scare me as much as meltdowns 🙂 Thank you Sylvia for always commenting. I know that you understand the things that I go through. The reason that I started this blog was to help parents connect with each other. One day I said to my husband “I haven’t heard from Sylvia this week.” He had no idea who Sylvia was. But right after I said it you commented on my weekly post. I love that we can connect each week even though we have never spoken to each other in person.

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