Shining the Light on the Dark Places

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The light above our bathroom sink is supposed to have 3 light bulbs in it.  But it only had 1 light bulb.  Brett had the bright idea that maybe we should actually use 3 light bulbs.  So he stopped on his way home from work and bought some.  The next day I was fixing my hair and I very quickly decided that I didn’t like these new light bulbs.  Well, would you look at that.  Look at all of those gray hairs.  I knew I had some but thank you dear hubby for illuminating them for me.  Wow.  Look at the circles under my eyes.  I had no idea that I looked this old and tired.  Maybe if our two turtles would go to sleep before 11 p.m. I would look a little younger.   The back of the light bulb package said “light that lets you see every detail”.  Ain’t that the truth.

Light bulbs illuminate our outward appearance and sometimes it just isn’t very pretty.   Not long ago God shone His light on my heart and it wasn’t very pretty.   It was as if He chose to shine 3 lights on my heart and I suddenly saw that dark place that I didn’t realize was still there.  God’s light is a light that lets you see every detail.

They were walking towards me and my stomach started doing flip flops.  I suddenly wished I could be invisible.  I didn’t want to talk to them.  Maybe they won’t see me.  Oh, that would be so nice.   What if they come up to me and start talking?  What am I going to say?

It’s funny how places bring back memories.  This room had so many good memories and this room had a few bad memories.  At this moment the bad memories were flooding my mind.

Remember when you were standing right over there and one of them said you used to look like a good mom?  Remember how that felt like a knife going through your heart?

Remember when they ……..

And then they……

And I still can’t believe that they…..

All this inner struggle was going on as they were still walking towards me.  And then I heard someone say my name. The sound of my name was coming from the opposite direction.  Oh, thank goodness.  I was saved.  It was a friend who I hadn’t seen in a while and we chatted for a few minutes. When we got done talking, I glanced up and they were gone. I was relieved.

Then I was confused.  I honestly thought that I had forgiven them.  But if I had forgiven them, then why did my stomach do flip flops when I saw them?  and why didn’t I want to talk to them?  God gently said “You haven’t totally forgiven them.  We still have a little work to do.

Ok, Lord.  What do I do now?  How do I totally forgive them? And this was the answer that He gave me.  Pray for those who hurt you (Luke 6:28).  Really?  That’s the answer?  That sounds really hard.  But I’ll do it because I want that dark place in my heart to be gone.  And so I began praying for them.  I believe that as I pray for them I will begin to love them.  I Corinthians 13:5 says that love keeps no record of wrongs.  I believe that as my heart is filled with love for them,  I will no longer keep a record of wrongs.  God will be with me on this path to total forgiveness.  I know with His help it is possible to love those who have hurt me.

God revealed something else to me through my experience with our new light bulbs.  I was thinking about Mikayla & Hope’s future.  Right now we don’t know what God’s plans and purposes are for them.  The one thing that I know is that He does have a plan and He does have a purpose for each of them (Jeremiah 29:11).   And that is enough for me to know right now.  It’s as if there is 1 light bulb shining right now.  There’s enough light to give us hope that God has a plan for them  But I believe that one day He is going to shine 3 light bulbs on them and all of a sudden we are going to see more clearly what His plans and purposes are for their lives.  He will show us every detail that He has planned for them.  And it will be good.

 For I know the plans that I have for you, says the Lord,

plans for peace and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

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