Mikayla, come brush your teeth!
Total silence. Where is she?
Mikayla, come brush your teeth!!
Still total silence. I’m tired and slightly irritated.
Mikayla! Get in here right now!!!! I’m not gonna say it again!!!!
That girl knows when momma means business. She stumbled into the bathroom with her yellow angry bird tucked under her arm. She squeezed his wing and he said “Someone has anger issues!” And there you have it. Truth straight from the bird’s mouth. That crazy bird says all kinds of phrases. But at this exact moment he decided to focus on my anger issues. Really?
Life as a parent to little sweethearts who have special needs isn’t easy. Our girls talk all day long. They perseverate on a certain question or phrase and they say it a million times a day. I constantly deal with behavior issues (the girls and my own). My brain usually turns into a pile of goo by 3 p.m. When bedtime rolls around I’m exhausted. I want little girls to show up when it’s time to brush their teeth. I want people to stop talking. I want my bed. I have a right to be impatient at bedtime. Right?
It’s been several months since my encounter with that angry bird. Every time anger begins to rise up within me I hear his words ringing in my ears. Someone has anger issues. And that someone is me. Anger is my enemy. It sneaks in and it steals my joy. It makes me bitter instead of better. God is gently and consistently reminding me that anger and impatience are not ok. Together we’re going to conquer my anger issues. He’s making me painfully aware of how often I allow anger to control me. Countless times in the last few months I’ve felt anger rising up within me. And each time He gently shows me that I’m allowing anger to control my life.
I collapsed into bed on Christmas night. I began scrolling through facebook. It looked as if everyone had a picture perfect Christmas. Anger began to bubble up within me. Christmas is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. But this day wasn’t wonderful. We were at my parents house and Brett spent most of the day in a room with our little sweetheart who couldn’t maneuver her way through a meltdown. Our problems don’t disappear just because it’s Christmas. Sure wish they could disappear for just one day. Why do some families get to enjoy Christmas and our family just tries to survive Christmas? It’s not fair. Someone has anger issues.
We pulled into the drive thru to get the girls some lunch. Chaos ensued. The girls started screaming their orders. Why are you doing that? I asked you what you wanted when we were at Walmart so you wouldn’t do this. Sigh. Then they started fighting with each other. The guy taking our order couldn’t hear us and we couldn’t hear him. I really get tired of this. Why does this happen almost every time we eat out? It must be nice to be one of the families who eats inside of the restaurant. But look at us. We can hardly maneuver our way through the drive-thru. Great. Now I have a headache. Someone has anger issues.
Why do I have to attend IEP meetings every year? Lots of parents don’t even know what an IEP meeting is. I used to be one of them. Someone has anger issues.
Why is everything hard for our girls? Why do they have to struggle every day to do things that come easily to most children? Someone has anger issues.
Life was already hard enough before anxiety came and pulled the rug out from under me. I have enough to deal with. Why does anxiety have to be thrown into the mix? Someone has anger issues.
Yes, it seems like I’m continually dealing with the issue of anger in my life. God is lovingly and patiently helping me find my way back to a life of joy. A life of being thankful for what I have instead of angry about what I don’t have. Thankful for the sweet moments with our girls that God highlights and wants me to remember. Like the moment when we were walking into Walmart and Mikayla’s little hand reached for mine. And I heard the Lord say “She may always want to hold your hand.” I smiled as we walked hand in hand. Mikayla and Hope may never outgrow their need to hold Mommy’s hand. I will hold their hands for the rest of my life and enjoy every moment. I believe that as I begin to focus on what I have instead of what I don’t have I will see my anger issues disappear. And joy will return to my life. And it all started with a silly angry bird who spoke truth into my life.